| A Night in the Life of a Warrior Doggie |
[Aug. 28th, 2009|09:41 pm] |
A massive fireworks display was just a few blocks from us this evening. My little doggie warrior was CERTAIN we were under attack. This time she did not cower. I took her out and she pulled herself up to about 15 feet tall (in her mind, anyway) and ran circles around me as we walked down the street. She did her best to protect me from the EVIL sky doggies and their accompanying "barks". It didn't help her state of mind that the buildings around us gave a sort of canyon effect, thus giving her the impression that enemies were EVERYWHERE. :)
We survived the attack. The little warrior doggie is asleep next to me, completely exhausted from her evening of battle.
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| Favorite Men |
[Aug. 19th, 2009|05:33 pm] |
| [ | In my heart of hearts I am: |
| |  pleased | ] |
There are only a select few men I trust, love, and admire. My dad is top of the list. My two sons, of course. My grandson has completely stolen my heart. And I adore my nephew.
Two of them have impressed me this week especially.
Liam, my one-year-old grandson, recognizes me now. We went to Red Oak to celebrate my mother's 80th birthday this past Sunday. In one otherwise unremarkable moment, Liam's mother said, "Liam, go show Oma your toy." He eagerly and quickly came directly over to me. This was the first time he ever seemed to know who I am. It made my week.
Adam, my 20 year old son, showed me this week --again-- what a tremendous man he has become. We were stopped at a red light a couple of days ago. While waiting, we noticed a small American flag on the ground near the crosswalk -- the kind of small flag you see staked in the ground near driveways and walkways in neighborhoods around patriotic holidays. The flag was tattered and dirty, obviously having been driven over several times by drivers who didn't care. Moments after our seeing the flag, Adam hopped out of the car and retrieved the abused piece of cloth. He felt that it was just fundamentally and completely wrong for the most powerful symbol of our homeland to continue to be trampled and soiled, uncared for by anyone. He took a photo of the flag so we would never forget how little others think of the flag, and as a reminder of the inherent value in caring enough to rescue one small tattered piece of red, white and blue cloth. I am so proud of him. |
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| Happy Birthday, Liam |
[Jul. 30th, 2009|04:30 am] |
| [ | In my heart of hearts I am: |
| | happy | ] |
I am NOT old enough to be a grandparent. So I find it quite amazing that my grandson turned one year old yesterday. It is further amazing that he completely stole my heart over a year ago. And yet, he has no idea who I am yet. |
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| My Photography |
[Jul. 19th, 2009|01:13 am] |
Being out of work leads one to be not only frugal, but also inventive in finding ways to bring in whatever funds one can. Ergo my latest venture. I've taken photos since I got my first camera way back eons ago. Now I'm attempting to sell some of them. Please check out the site where I've got them listed http://www.doubledigitart.com/sellers_profile.aspx?artistID=18 If you like what you see, please tell others and help me spread the word!
Thanks! |
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| FREE food at Arby's through this weekend |
[Jul. 10th, 2009|09:58 pm] |
| [ | In my heart of hearts I am: |
| | cheerful | ] |
Hi folks. I just wanted to share this with you. It almost sounds too good to be true, but I've used the coupon myself, so I know it's for real. Go to this address http://www.arbys.com/coupon/ and print out the coupon. Now through July 12 -- only through this weekend, you get a free Arby's roastburger if you purchase a soft drink. And they're HUGE! Adam (my son) and I each got one -- meaning dinner for both of us was only $3.40, including tax (hint: we each paid separately in order for each of our burgers to be free). It's roast beef, so not nearly as greasy as an actual burger, and it's packed sky high with lettuce, tomatoes, onion rings, and beef. Yummy!
Hurry -- it's only through this weekend. |
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| And now for something completely different... |
[Jul. 2nd, 2009|06:34 pm] |
| [ | In my heart of hearts I am: |
| | hopeful | ] |
Wow. Okay, something did go right this week. Something fairly big. I just got a call from the guy in charge of Constituent Services from Senator Johanns' office. Apparently, the senator opens mail randomly -- he can't read it all, but he does pick several at random each week to get a feel for what is being written to him, and mine was the lucky one this week. He was appalled by my insurance situation and my case has become a top issue for him. I guess since Health Care Reform is a big national hot-button issue, my crappy mess is timely. So...he has --himself--contacted the insurance board here in Nebraska to have them open up an official inquiry. Plus, he and his staff are looking into other avenues for health care assistance for me.
When we lived in Maryland, I had a hell of a time getting the medical care Adam needed. Week after week, month after month, year after year it was nothing but one problem after another -- insurance denials, ridiculous amounts of contradictory paperwork to fill out, etc. So I went to Washington to show our former senator, Senator Grassley what we were having to deal with. My parents still live in his state, so he was inclined to listen. And he was a TIGER. He called the Social Security Administration and told them to buggar off and give my son the assistance he needed, and Grassley and Kennedy developed the Family Opportunity Act --which was finally passed into law -- based on some of our problems. At their request, I spoke at several press conferences, did the CNN thing, C-SPAN, Washington Post interviews, etc. Plus, I got the Governor of Maryland involved, so we had local help wading through the mountains of paperwork and dodging various red-tape bullets lobbed at us. It was phenomenal. There came a point where each time there was a problem, I just made a couple of phone calls and it was handled.
I don't know what Senator Johanns will be able to do for us. He's new in the Senate. And he's a Republican. But I have high hopes. And I have validation that I'm not just a whiner -- this really is a big set of problems I've been dealing with. And someone with clout wants to help. I feel better just knowing that.
The lesson here is: don't hesitate to get your elected officials involved. They are public servants, and you are the public. Your problems count and your voice needs to be heard. Too many of our rights in America are being eroded these days. But you still have a right to ask for help from those who have taken an oath to serve.
:) |
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| Rejected |
[Jul. 2nd, 2009|03:02 pm] |
| [ | In my heart of hearts I am: |
| |  sad | ] |
I guess it didn't matter that the guy from the publisher came to ME and asked me to send him a manuscript. "It's a good sign" means nothing. I got an email today saying the manuscript was rejected. Apparently there are two reasons why: 1) the market is tight right now, so they're not willing to venture into a genre that isn't in their mainstream, and 2) my writing wasn't good enough. He went into detail about the second point -- too much work would have to be done on my work to bring it up to their standards, "to what we would deem acceptable".
Gosh, what a great week it's been. |
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| Chapter 584 |
[Jul. 1st, 2009|08:27 pm] |
| [ | In my heart of hearts I am: |
| | crushed | ] |
In the continuing saga...
I still don't have insurance. None of the agencies can help me because my son lives with me and his fast food job takes us over income limits. Legal Aid is backed up. So I contacted Senator Johanns to ask for his intervention with the COBRA screw ups by Blue Cross or help us locate health care otherwise. One of his staff wrote back and asked for details and copies of letter, etc. So we'll see.
I thought I might be able to get a minimal insurance policy or maybe even pay for some of the meds I need. But my car has been making funny noises. I've been putting off having anything done about it for a couple of months. I figured it was just the muffler, and that could probably wait. But it kept getting worse. So I called Walker Tire and Auto Service last Thursday wanting to make an appointment, saying, "My car is making a terrible roaring noise so I think it's my muffler." They said they don't do mufflers and sent me to a place called MadHatter. Bill at MadHatter said it was the catalytic converter and it would cost me $400. With very limited funds, I was stunned at the cost and stood there and cried. A few minutes later he went out into the garage area, then came back in and said it wasn't the catalytic converter after all, but the hose to the converter instead and would only cost $263. Two hours later and $263 poorer, Bill assured me the noise was gone and I was good to go.
Nothing seems to be ever that easy for me. The noise was still there. So Monday I was going to call Walker Tire and Auto Service and make an appointment to see what else it might be. But before I could get them called, I was in a car accident. The driver two cars ahead of me suddenly stopped. The car in front of me stopped dead in the road, too, to avoid hitting the first car. I wasn't so lucky. I rear-ended the car in front of me. Fortunately, I was going very slowly so her vehicle wasn't even scratched. Mine, however, was a bit worse for the wear. The hood was crumpled and couldn't be opened and the windshield has a crack in it. So...off to Walker I went. They made an appointment for first thing today.
The noisy roar was actually the wheel bearings on 3 wheels going bad and a tie-rod nearly broken all the way through -- so much so that it's a miracle the wheels didn't go flying off the past few weeks (thus likely killing me, my son if he was with me, and anyone near us at the time). Walker would not let me leave with the car in such bad shape. So $850 later, I have my car back. And I still have to get the windshield repaired -- at an estimated cost of $300.
So let's see...that's $263 stolen from me by an unscrupulous car repair service, $850 in actual car repairs, and $300 to go. Every penny I have....literally every PENNY, dime and anything else I could scrape together...is all gone. These past few months without work have completely drained me. And I'm in debt to my eldest son for $450. And I still don't have my windshield repaired.
No money at all. No health insurance. No job -- which I can't do right now anyway because my health is deteriorating. Oh, and did I mention the deadbeat client? I've done work for a client who owes me just a tad bit over $1000. And not a penny has come in from them. I am completely and royally screwed and have no way to recover from this.
If God is still doing miracles these days, I could sure use one or two right now. |
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| Thandom Rots |
[Jun. 12th, 2009|03:32 am] |
| [ | In my heart of hearts I am: |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | East Village Opera Company | ] |
Randomness tonight because I couldn't sleep if my life depended on it:
I'm being sued by a collection agency for unpaid medical bills. Yippy.
I have insurance for now. Blue Cross says I have to pay through Satan, but 4 more hours of talking to Satan and Blue Cross and I finally got an address to send the check to. We'll see how next week goes. I did find out that I was cheated out of 4 months. But right now I'm glad to have what I've got. I just wish Satan could get out of the picture.
I'm still looking for paying writing gigs. In the meantime, two things have happened.
1) I have been asked to be the editor of the semi-annual membership magazine for the same organization that gave me my first job 30 years ago. (whodathought?)
2) I'm working on a folklore-ghost story-history book involving the Nebraska towns and cities along the Missouri River. I have the material for 20 stories, 5 of them are written, I need about 35, and a major publisher is interested in the book -- asked ME to contact them, not the other way around -- but wants to see a finished manuscript by Monday. And I have MAJOR writer's block -- ergo, it's 3:30 in the wee hours of Friday morning and I'm still toiling over story #6...and playing hookie by writing this on Livejournal.
Adam turned 20 on May 31. I no longer have children...well, I do...I mean, you know, they'll always be my children, but they're adults now. Plus, I was at Long John Silver's a couple of weeks ago and they assumed I was old enough for a senior citizen discount. They didn't even ASK...they just assumed. And I'm a grandmother. So ... somehow in the past few months I have officially gone over the hill. And I've been aware of it happening. I think most people look at their lives and realize they're over the hill or they can look back and point to a time when they went over -- like their 50th birthday or the birth of their grandchild. But no. I've done it somewhat gradually and have been aware of it happening....kind of observing it as I go. Almost like a third party looking at it objectively from the outside. I don't feel badly about it -- it's an inevitable part of life. And I think it helps that I don't feel "old".
But I do think I'm going to get back on my diet, skinny up and get some cute kickin' hairdo. Most people who read my writing comment on how my writing seems much younger in tone than my actual age (and they say they mean that as a compliment...not like my writing is too crappy to be written by an actual adult). So I need to young-up my looks a bit.
Daniel is 27 now and will experience his first Father's Day this year. And he will be gone. He and his wife and son will be going to the in-laws for the weekend. Seems crappy that my son's first Father's Day will be spent away. I was going to make a big deal out of the day for him. But...oh well. He's not that into fatherhood yet, so I guess it never occurred to him that his first Father's Day would be a big deal to me. So...time for me to put my Big Girl panties on and let it go. ((**sniff**))
Okay, it's almost 4:00 now, and I'm still not sleepy. I gotta pee, but I'm not sleepy. Too much to think about. I think I'll go take a trip to the ladies room and then get back to the book. Maybe I can pound out a couple more stories before noon. Ya think? I NEED to write!!! I will hate myself forever if I don't get the manuscript ready by Monday. Think good thoughts for me. I need them.
--M |
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| 2 months and still fighting with Satan |
[Apr. 22nd, 2009|08:41 pm] |
| [ | In my heart of hearts I am: |
| | depressed | ] |
No liquor tonight. Not even any tears. It's way past any of that.
The post office keeps sending my mail back with a sticker that says I've moved and didn't leave a return address. Not all my mail. I get some of it. But not my insurance cards or bills or unemployment info. I get miscellaneous pieces now and then. Plenty of junk mail. 3 of the 5 birthday cards my sister sent me -- the other two were returned. The post office says I'm getting all my mail. Okay, then who is the fucker breaking into my mail box and slapping return-to-sender stickers on my mail ... stickers which, by the way look like they were printed on post office equipment?
My health insurance still hasn't been reinstated. Blue Cross told me to call my former employer. Satan told me it's not their problem. I told them I wanted it resolved and either they could get it fixed or I would take my actions to the next level to see to it. Satan called back today and said Blue Cross told her that I should call them.
I called Blue Cross again. They say they never got my papework or premium check. I have a certified return receipt signed by them from when they DID get it on April 9. They say I have to prove it. I did everything they wanted, dotted all the i's, crossed all the t's, sent it all by certified mail, spun around 3 times counter-clockwise and spit over my left shoulder the night the the first full moon...and now I have to PROVE AGAIN that I should get insurance? AND...IF they get it resolved, it will be retroactive to March 1...so I'll be paying for 2 months I didn't get to use (how can I go back in time and get the health care I should have gotten but couldn't afford without insurance??) AND the special provision for reduced premium amounts for 6 months...I'll only really get for 4 months because...because....
I'm so tired of it all. I really can't do this anymore. I hope if I die from lack of medical care (with critically serious asthma, it's actually likely) I hope my sons sue the britches off of EVERYONE. As long as they don't mail anything, they should win.
I hope far too often that God will just go ahead and let me off this planet. Soon. I try to be hopeful and upbeat. I keep trying to keep positive thoughts. I keep moving forward. But every heartbeat, every breath is harder and harder to muster. Oh God, please just let the painful struggles stop. |
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| Answer to Previous Question: No. |
[Apr. 7th, 2009|06:53 pm] |
| [ | In my heart of hearts I am: |
| | drained | ] |
No. It will never EVER stop. After a month and a half of waiting, I finally got my first unemployment check yesterday. You would think that life would be a bit easier now. No. No, it isn't going to be. Today the manager of my apartment complex towed my car. It took me 3 hours of phone calls and one assurance that I would vigorously pursue my ADA rights, and it cost me $187.25 to get my little 13 year old car back. It's not much, but it's all I've got. Good thing the unemployment check came when it did so I could immediately spend it on bullshit. Lucky me and my every-day-is-a-big-turd-in-my-sock life.
I got an apology from the apartment manager and a ride to go get my car. And the $187.25 will be taken off what I owe for next month's rent. But the point is that my car shouldn't have been towed to begin with. And not everyone has $187.25 just sitting around waiting to be shelled out for crap. Before yesterday I didn't have it and would have been screwed.
Must everything in my life be a big freakin' struggle? Yes. Yes, it must. For some unknown God-must-surely-hate-me reason, everything I get in life I either have to fight to get or fight to keep. You'd think I would be used to it by now. |
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| TERMINAL Groin -- Ouch! |
[Apr. 5th, 2009|07:47 pm] |
| [ | In my heart of hearts I am: |
| |  curious | ] |
I couldn't resist the headline. "Proposal would allow for permit for terminal groins". Yeah, I would think you'd definitely want a permit for a groin that was gonna kill you. At best it sounds painful. But maybe it's a new radical cure for STDs?
Not surprisingly, a terminal groin is hard. A hard structure. According to the story at this location: http://www.jdnews.com/news/inlet_63467___article.html/beach_smith.html "Such structures are constructed at the end of an island near an inlet and allow for sand being washed up by the ocean to accumulate on the island." What I gather from the article is that a terminal groin is an environmental measure to keep beaches from eroding, thus protecting the tourism industry.
Being a travel writer, I think that's interesting. I wonder if there's a tour out there: Great Terminal Groins of the World. |
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| Is that a Mother F@(#er on your head? |
[Apr. 4th, 2009|11:11 am] |
| [ | In my heart of hearts I am: |
| |  okay | ] |
My son got a mohawk a couple of weeks ago. It didn't look as bad as I thought it would since he didn't have the sides shaved completely; they were just cut really, really short. Anyway, time has happened and so has hair growth. It doesn't look like he's actually got a mohawk anymore. But it's not quite a faux hawk, either. I think it has morphed into a MoFoHawk. Perhaps he will start a trend. After all, who wouldn't want a hairstyle that begins with "mofo"? |
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| Will it EVER end? |
[Apr. 2nd, 2009|07:20 pm] |
| [ | In my heart of hearts I am: |
| |  bitchy | ] |
Oh my gawd. How am I supposed to move on and get busy with the stuff of life if some things just NEVER get resolved?
I had a birthday last week. No big deal. Nice, but not a big event. My sister, as usual, sent me several funny cards....we do that for each other. I guess the older we get, the more humor must be injected into birthdays to keep us from dissolving into tears once a year. Anyway, I sent her an email to thank her, and she responded with the news that two of them were returned to her with the notice that I had moved and left no forwarding address.
WHAAAATTTT?????????
Here I sit, flat broke, waiting for my unemployment debit card to arrive with about a thousand dollars in unemployment payments loaded onto it. And waiting. And waiting. I'm trying to be a patient woman. I know the state is dealing with a deluge of new unemployment claims amid staff cutbacks of their own. And now I think it might not be coming at all because my stuff mail carrier RETURNED IT. Same thing happened around Christmas time -- friends emailed me, hurt because I had moved and not told them...they "found out" because their cards to me were returned.
So, being an Internet-savvy person, I checked the unemployment site for the "what to do next" info I needed. Nada. The Nebraska site is pathetic. I emailed twice -- two days apart, with a plea for help. Nothing. I phoned and waited for over an hour on hold before giving up. I checked the site for something about the damned debit cards. After considerable digging, I found a vague reference in a sub-sub-page's pop-up, telling that the debit cards are Visa ReliaCards. That's it. Nothing else. No other info.
By this time, I'm fairly well pissed. And panicked. I need the money. And I've come too far and fought the Evil One too hard to have my unemployment claim go down the crapper over something like this. So, again, being fairly Internet savvy, I Googled Visa ReliaCard. The Oregon state unemployment website had all the info I could possibly want and more. God bless them. (And may he smite the web dunces in Nebraska.) I called the bank, and 5 minutes later I had the card set up to be sent to my parent's address over in Iowa. It should arrive no later than Monday. Just in time for me to take care of the health insurance issue that came up this week.
Yes, health insurance. I got an envelop from my former employer. As I held it in my hand, I felt like I was going to vomit. Just seeing the logo again made me queasy. Anyway, I opened it, and it was info about continuing health insurance. Kind of like Cobra, except different because of some law Obama signed into effect the day before I was canned. So rather than paying $473.50 for insurance, I can get it for $165.75. IF I respond within 10 days. I'll have just enough time when the debit card gets here. And the really good news is that the former employer states that I qualify. And the papers state that the only way someone can qualify is if they are terminated involuntarily not due to any misconduct against the company by the employee. So...I think that means they surrender, right? I mean, if they try to appeal the unemployment claim now, all I have to do is refer to the insurance papers THEY sent me.
So maybe by Monday everything will have come together in one great tsunami of success. But it will have been a hellish journey to arrive at that point.
Does this kind of crap happen to me --and it has ALL MY LIFE -- because I'm a writer? You know...so I'll have fodder for hundreds of short stories and dozens of books? After all, if anything in my life were normal or easy, what would I write about? ....I dunno. Normal might be nice to try now and then. Just to see what it's like. |
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| Slogging |
[Mar. 24th, 2009|05:24 pm] |
| [ | In my heart of hearts I am: |
| | numb | ] |
I heard from the unemployment office yesterday. They said my former boss is objecting now because they say my son and I conspired to steal business from them. Sheesh. I'm embarrassed to admit I worked there since the boss is treating my former clients so badly. Why on earth would I want any of their clients? Besides, they build websites mostly for home builders, and my niche is tourism, as is my son's focus in his business. Anyway, the unemployment office is approving my claim, but they said to expect the former boss to appeal it because she's been such dick about it so far. Yippy. I guess the saga isn't over yet. Makes it hard to move on. A tornado was hovering over her house last night...and I was hoping for the best (define that one however you want).
I contacted the local convention and visitors bureau. I know they don't have a job opening, but I'm fairly certain they have a need for volunteers. I know I did when I ran a CVB. Their website needs work, so maybe they'll let me work on that. Or help with press releases. Or give seminars on packaging or agritourism like I did out in Maryland. I meet with the executive director tomorrow morning to see what she needs and what I can offer. A little volunteer work will get me out of the house for something besides grocery shopping and church. And maybe a change in faces will help me move on from the negativity of the job loss a little more gracefully. |
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| Bright Day |
[Mar. 18th, 2009|06:50 pm] |
I heard from a client of the company I used to work for. He just found out I'm not there anymore. He said he was disappointed and had enjoyed working with me. His secretary wants us to keep in touch.
It's not a huge thing. But it makes me feel better. I did a good job. And someone thought highly enough of me to find me and tell me so. |
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| Ho Hum |
[Mar. 13th, 2009|04:32 pm] |
| [ | In my heart of hearts I am: |
| | depressed | ] |
Okay. This is almost getting boring. I'm getting used to the pain from getting kicked in the teeth. Today I learned that my former boss is fighting my unemployment claim and is using their lawsuit against me as ammunition. Not a surprise. I feel like driving over to her office, standing naked in her doorway and offering her my blood and body parts. I have no money, no worldly goods, nothing left to give up but what I came into this world with. Fortunately, my soul is already spoken for, or she would want to take that, too. |
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| Why? |
[Mar. 9th, 2009|02:52 am] |
Why does life keep getting better?
I just found out that the IRS has seized my bank account -- and thus every penny I have except what paltry amount I have in my purse. They disagree with me about whether or not I paid my taxes in 2003, and so they emptied my bank account to partially pay what they believe I owe. I'm certain this will all get straightened out sooner or later. But in the meantime, I have no job and now own only what I can carry with me and stuff in the trunk of my car.
I have been without a computer the past several months since mine crapped out and insisted on rebooting over and over each time it reached the Windows "welcome" screen. It wasn't a problem until I lost my job since I was free to stay after hours and do as I wished. After losing my job, I did my job search from the library and posted here via my phone (yay for smartphones). Anyway, I got my computer back today. It was like welcoming an old friend back home! My oldest son taught himself how to repair it -- in return, I must learn how to create a website for him.
Of course, as soon as I confirmed that my computer was working as good as new, I gave it to my youngest son. He deserves it more than the IRS does.
Life is just one big f---ing chair of bowlies. |
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| shunned |
[Mar. 1st, 2009|05:36 am] |
Don't the Amish call it shunning when they publicly turn their backs on a member? Well, that's what has happened to me. It's not enough that the company fired me and has slapped me with bogus legal action. Now each member of the team has removed me from their contact list on LinkedIn. Petty. Enough that it made me laugh out loud. I seldom see grown ups behave this way. Not in real life, that is.
For the record (in case I didn't mention it before), I did nothing to deserve this. If Nebraska employment laws were different, I would be suing them for wrongful discharge. Too bad there's no action for their being douche bags about it all.
On the upside of it all, a friend of mine is going to Hawaii with her mother this next week. I think I'll write about travel. Pick a spot, research it, and write a novella about being there. I don't have money for a vacation, but maybe an imaginary one will be almost as refreshing. |
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| click your heels together three times... |
[Feb. 27th, 2009|12:10 pm] |
I went home Wednesday, home to my mom and dad's house. I'm an adult with my own home, of course. But when in distress, home always means back where Mom and Dad are.
Mom made my favorite dinner of chicken and big thick noodles, and my favorite dessert of pumpkin pie with lots of whipped cream. Dad assured me that I'm wonderful. My oldest son and his wife came to visit with my grandson, Liam. Liam grinned and giggled as if I were the most clever, charming person on earth. And for Wednesday at least, all was right with the world.
Everybody needs more Wednesdays in their lives. It makes Thursdays more bearable. |
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